Recent Conversations That Don't Make Me Feel Better

With my fetus

Fetus: I'm hungry mother, I really am.
Me: Oh Tommy, we've just had our dinner.
Fetus: But I'm hungry just the same mother. I so hungry I could eat a...a whole elephant!
Me: I think we did that yesterday.

(if you don't get the reference, watch this video)

With my computer

Me: It will no longer be necessary for you to show me pictures of Papa John's Pizza every time I log in to Facebook.
Computer: But you can have any large for just $11.
Me: I know.
Computer: Any large. Any number of toppings.
Me: I know.
Computer: And you do already have an account with them. I know. In fact, you've already taken advantage of this offer a few times. I know that too.
Me: I know you know. Nevertheless, it's hard enough for me not to order pizza every other day without you throwing it in my face.
Computer: But look at all this cheese!
Me: Fine. [typing www.papajohns.com]

With my doctor

Dr: Have you been measuring big?
Me: I'm not sure.
Dr: You're big now.
Me: Okay.
Dr: Are we sure there's just one in there?
Me: There better be.