Gone to Pieces

Five years ago, when I moved to Madison, I was lonely. I had had a hard time finding friends in Virginia since those I knew were in very different places from me and couldn't relate to my situation, a childless, married law student. In Madison I had little to do. I called my mom every single day. It was a hard time. But then, I started to meet people. And I finally found the people like me. It turns out there are a lot of them!

I found women who are educated, opinionated, intelligent, strong and so many other things that I am or hope to be. One Sunday afternoon our new acquaintances, Johnny and Sheena, invited us to their apartment where we meet the Prices, another couple who were relatively new to Madison. We all sat around and talked for hours as if we'd know each other for years. It was wonderful. When we got home I couldn't believe that we didn't separate our conversations according to gender and, in fact, it was mostly the women who talked. Jessica, Sheena and I had plenty to say about everything and husbands who weren't bothered by our pert opinions, as Jane Austen might call them.Over the next year I added many many friends who enriched my experience and made me come alive in ways I hadn't before.

But then, the hard part of being a grad student happened. My friends and their husbands started to graduate. And they moved away. All the permanent ward members told us how hard it is to make friends and see them go, but it really is really hard!

For the past few months I've felt a shift in my life as things become more and more about our little family and we increasingly spend time with just our kids and have less time for social engagements. I suppose it's a new phase of life as the number and needs of my children increase. I'm not sure I'll ever again have as many and as wonderful friends as I've had here, in part because I won't have time for them. I'm definitely enjoying so much wonderful family time. But at the same time I'm mourning the passing of my wonderful friendships.

There are so many things we love about Madison, but my favorite by far is the people I've met here. I know it will be hard for us to move when our time comes, but the truth is that some of Madison has been leaving me in small, slow pieces for several years now. 

I miss Jenn, who taught me not to fear childbirth and that my body is strong and knows what to do.
I miss Sheena, who taught me to say what I think and introduced me to the Hunger Games and Ingrid Michaelson..
I miss Brouge, who introduced me to genuine whole wheat bread.
I miss Bethany, who taught me to whine less, let things go and be strong.
I miss Tish, who taught me how to take care of a baby and the importance of shared sorrows.
I miss Becky, who gave me permission to do what's best for me and my family no matter what anyone else says.
I miss Chrystal who taught me to play real games and to make oreo truffles.

In the past ten days, two of the biggest pieces of my Madison circle of friends have left. And I tear up every time I think about it. I can't wrap my mind around them being gone. And with four more of my favorite people set to leave before the summer ends, I know the coming year is going to be long and lonely all over again. I have many wonderful friends still here, but my heart will ache for a long time over those who are not.

I know I'll someday join the slow exodus, but that only makes up a fraction of the difficulty of losing my friends. I know we'll always be friends, but the distance from here to Michigan, and Maine and New York and Delaware seems an eternity. I want so much to gather them all back here, sit them down in my living room and just enjoy being together. How much I wish I could piece back together my wonderful circle of friends and appreciate them for how wonderful they were before I realized how fleeting our time together would be.